Thirty4

It feels like I left my reading glasses in my twenties back Jean pocket because I thought I wouldn’t need them anymore but lord I need to see . It feels like chasing a dream that may never come and finally becoming okay with no longer running . The jogging slows down and I’m taking in the view around me . It feels like a new body . My womb feel different . Body feel different . Responds differently . It feels like buried emotions that I thought left that have resurfaced and now I’m forced to sit with them . And they looking at me and I’m looking at them .

It feels stagnant yet moving . How air can be . It feels like no longer fighting with myself but holding . Hugging . Embracing . It feels like jumping off a cliff but you feel safe . It feels like guilt you hold over your back from friends who leave you . And it feels like relief from friends who want to stay. It feels like being chosen because you are loved . It feels like breathing for a second time after holding your breath for a long time because you felt like you had to . It feels like creating a home inside myself . A place that I want to live in comfortably . A place I want to stay.